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Why we all love Atlanta
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has
ever lived in Atlanta, has visited Atlanta, ever
plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who lives in
Atlanta, knows anyone who has ever visited Atlanta
or anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia...
Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets.
The
only way to getout of downtown Atlanta is to turn
around and start over when you reach Greenville,
South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree. .." and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House. . ." Except that in Cobb County, all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is
not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree
Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree
Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree
Ave, Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree
Corners, New Peachtree, Old Peachtree, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way
home. If you ask anyone for directions they will
always send you down Peachtree
Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You will
never see a native signal at a stoplight, to change
lanes, or to merge. Never!
Atlanta is home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink
here, so don't ask for any other soft drink . . .
unless it's made by Coca Cola. And even then, it's
still "Coke."
Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International
Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse so
wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on
the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce
calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to
that effect, so that out-of-towners don't feel lost
...they're just on a "scenic drive."
The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m. The
5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30 p.m.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and
lasts through 2:00 a.m. Saturday.
"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking
to you if there's a remote possibility that you're
at least 30 minutes older than they are.
Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a
native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation.
People will simply tilt their heads to the right and
stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss
duh LEE-on")
The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to
immediately forget all traffic rules; so will
daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow in
the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.
If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed
for three days and it's on all the channels as a
news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the
grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread,
bottled water, toilet paper, and beer if there is a
remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people
will be on the corner selling "I survived the
blizzard" T-shirts...not to mention the fact that
schools will close at the slightest possible chance
of snow.
If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus
stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.
Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life,
and a permanent form of entertainment, especially
when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of
Old Faithful erupts.
Construction crews aren't doing their job properly
unless they close down at least one interstate all rush hour.
Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as
Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the
Interstates, hence its name. Actually, I-285, the
loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed
limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph
just to keep from getting run over), is known to
truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
Georgia 400 is our equivalent of the Autobahn. You
will rarely see a semi-truck on GA 400, because even
the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized
SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling
day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their
children at the school bus coming home from the
college prep preschool.
The pollen count is off the national scale for
unhealthy which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in
the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles,
houses, etc..., are yellow from March 28th to July
15th. If you have any allergies you will die.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.
Hey, but other than that, it's a great place to live!
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