This page is about my views, and opinions on parenting. Now I am not an expert, nor am I a perfect parent. Because there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Just as there is no such thing as a perfect child. I have birthed 4 children and I have made quiet a few mistakes along the way. As they all say : "There is no handbook that comes with having a baby." But I can in all regards say that I have learned from my mistakes.
One of the first key things to remember is we were all once children ourselves, before becoming teenagers,parents or grandparents. We had to learn to walk before learning to run. Most people forget by the time we have children of our own what it felt like to be a child, carefree, young with no problems bigger than learning to tie a shoe lace. But after the children come into our lives we begin to see the world again through their eyes.
Now this is not a diary nor a journal, just my opinions (which we all know everybody has one) on raising kids.
First I will start with teenagers. Yes I said a dirty word...T E E N A G E R. Why start with them...well they all seem to cause the most heartache and turmoil in a household. If you don't have them yet...then just remember, you were once one yourself.
Now teenagers have their own views and outlook on life. No matter how you were raised and how you raise your child, they soon turn into aliens that you could swear were beamed down from above. I know I said it before and I have heard many parents say it, "That is not my child, my child would not do or say things like that". Well rest assured, they are aliens, here on a mission to destroy our nerves...LOL.
My number one policy in dealing with teenagers is,'Pick Your Battles'. If it is not gonna matter in 3 years don't worry about it now.
Lets take hair as an example. Now my daughter came home and turned her hair green. She came down the stairs and asked me,"Hey Mom, What ya think?" I just looked and shook my head and said,"Interesting". My son soon followed by shaving his entire head on a dare. The way I see it..hair grows out and back. Now take tattoos or body piercings; now those don't go away in 3 years and one of the rules in my house is, 'No tattoos or piercings till you are out on your own, paying your own bills, living in your own place'.
Since I have adopted this 3 year policy the wars in my house have lessened dramaticaly. Now my husband still looks at me at times, shaking his head, asking me, "Why are you letting them do that?" I have no answer except... don't look at them and you won't see the green hair or shaved head.
Now your probably asking, "What about the important stuff, the stuff that does matter in 3 years?" Well then we make a point to have a family meeting and dicuss what the rules (or Laws) are going to be on that subject. Grades are non-negotiable. Curfews are negotiable according to age and responsiblity. And all the other stuff falls into place.
Now I am not saying this system is foolproof and has always worked 100% of the time, cause one thing I have learned about teenagers is they LOVE to bend the rules. They will find loopholes and if you don't spell out every single detail they will get you on a technicality. I have found my teenagers turned into mini-lawyers. Now if I could just get them to persue that as a career choice......
Now I will talk about babies. I mean the real tiny ones. Not T-O-D-D-L-E-R-S. I know another dirty word. But babies are so sweet and loveable. And everyone from the cashier at the store to the grandparents want them, want to hold them, and would even pay YOU money to watch them. Take them up on it.
I remember when I was a new parent; boy did the questions pop up. How do I feed them, how do I change them, cloth or disposable diapers, breast or bottle, etc. Now I did find out by the time my second was born...that EVERY CHILD is different.
I personnaly started out breastfeeding all my 4 children but for instance with my first, after a month, we found out she was allergic to milk and she had to go on soybean formula. My next two were totally breastfed and my last was done with both, breast and bottle.
I had 2 who took pacifers, 2 who didn't. I had 2 who potty trained themselves, and 2 who took forever.
When I first got pregnant I went to the library (they didn't have computers back then) and I read every little thing I could find about labor, delivery, and babies. And of course I had Aunts, Mothers, Sisters, and even brothers, giving me well meaning advice. I listened to it all and shook my head yes, thats very good advice, etc. But one thing I would surely suggest is that you listen to all and every bit of information everybody wants to tell you, cause you never know which information you might try.
Especially at 3 am in the morning and your baby is screaming its head off and your desperate to try anything till the doctors office opens...LOL
But another suggestion I would recommend is to relax. I know if you have a baby, who has time to relax. But the more you TRY to relax and enjoy your baby the better for you, the baby, and even the whole family.
Please, Please remember this...NOTHING is so important than holding your child while you feed him. Propping a bottle in their mouth with a blanket or any other item is dangerous and can cause death.
And remember...They are only babies once, then they turn into T-O-D-D-L-E-R-S..which brings me to my next subject.
Now lets talk about TODDLERS. To me... this stage in a Childs life is the most interesting. This is the stage where they do the most discovering and learning. I love watching them learn to talk, walk, and toddle around. Of course the worst is watching the falls. And no matter how much you pad the floor,furniture, and even the walls; they still seem to find something to bump their head on. I even read in one of my parenting magazines, where one woman's child kept hitting their head falling all the time so she invented a type of hat for toddlers to protect their head. Now that SEEMS like a great idea but have you ever tried putting a hat, cute sunglasses or anything else on a toddlers head and counted the seconds, that any of it actually stays on?????
This is also the time in their lives where they LOVE to test your patience. Oh there are some (not many) that will not touch things when you say NO. But most will look at you and smile that sweet smile they have and the whole time their little hand is reaching for what your screaming NO about. Now my daughter was one of those sensitive types. You could tell her no in a loud voice and she would start crying. But my 3 boys... they just kept on going as if you were not even there (much like teenagers).
Oh but they are the most precious when they come and want into your lap and give you a big HUG. Then you just want to hold onto them forever. These are the times I make a memory with in my heart. Because before long they are too big to climb into your lap. Before long they think it's uncool to give you a hug. And before long they are grown up with children of their own.
Now my views on being a Grandparent :)
Now I am a Grandparent. Since this is a new stage for me I haven't got many opinions yet. BUT there are some I want to share. I told myself I wanted to be the type of grandmother that spoiled the grandchildren and didn't voice my opinions to the mother about how they were raising them. But now that I have stuck to that plan I think I have made a HUGE mistake.
When my 23 year old daughter got pregant and had my first grandchild I thought she would be a good mother. I mean she is the oldest and was around watching and helping me through my last 3 babies. But I never thought she would put her INFANT in a room and walk out and close the door leaving it crying for hours. Also I never thought she would prop the bottle up in the babies mouth with a blanket and walk out of the room closing the door and never look back. She actually quit breastfeeding at 2 weeks because as she put it, "I got tired of getting up in the middle of the night to feed her." Well my granddaughter passed away recently and I feel like if I had voiced my opinion stronger that she would still be with us.
I know GOD took her because she wasn't loved or appreciated like she should have been. And I know she is better off where she is. But if your a parent or grandparent, please speak up..SCREAM if you have to to get a mother's attention that treating a baby like that is WRONG.
One: I don't believe in propping up a bottle in a babies mouth under no circumstances. I have never did it and I think it is dangerous and wrong.
And TWO: I don't believe in leaving a baby alone in a room with the door closed unless I have a baby monitor. Even then I would only do it under certain circumstances. Me personally... I NEVER left my children alone in a room unless I was in the next room, and then I left the door open. We even made our childrens door into Dutch doors so we could keep a close eye on them.
I would rather have to say "I wish I could get my child to sleep by theirselves once in awhile".....Than to have to say "I wish I had my child with me now instead of in the grave."
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